You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so much tequila, so little girl.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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