Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
