You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
