you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
