Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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