My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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