I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
