Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
