So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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