apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
