Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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