Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
