Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
