i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
