the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
