Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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