I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
