Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
