When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
