Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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