So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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