i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
