I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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