Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
