Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
