First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
