Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
