Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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