cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
