im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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