Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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