Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
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I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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