You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
