everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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