I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
