I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
