i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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