I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
