I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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