if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
