That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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