Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
