Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
