i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
