I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
