Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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