my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
