just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
