I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
