I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
