I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
