So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
