I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
