I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
