A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
