The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
sick fucks of a feather flock together
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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