my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
