Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
