Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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