i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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