"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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