The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize