The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
