Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
