There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
