I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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