i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
