Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
