I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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