Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
