Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
